Interstate 84 from east Oregon to southern Idaho goes past more than one broken-down building left over from better times, especially if you take an off-ramp into one of the U.S. 30 alignments. Once past Idaho I could follow that old U.S. 30 route all the way to Atlantic City, though that wasn’t my plan. Still, I’m a history buff and I liked driving on what used to be called the Lincoln Highway, the first road built cross-country from New York City to my home town of San Francisco.
 
About a hundred miles along the interstate I saw a sign for one of the alignments and swung off, looking for a place to eat. I wasn’t in a hurry. I wasn’t on anyone’s timeline but my own. A diner would do just fine as a stopover for a couple of hours, even if it meant I was taking a risk with its fry-up. Janie wouldn’t have let me hear the end of that, if she’d been with me. Only, she wasn’t.
 
Funny how you can live twenty years with someone and never know who they really are. People thought we had the perfect marriage. So did I, but my best friend proved me wrong. I couldn’t figure out if I was more upset by the way they both fooled me or because it made me the butt of the classic cliché. Jim and Janie were gone before I even knew something was up. It was a hot day and I was tired from work. We were going to go see a movie, Janie and me, catch the air conditioning for a while. I hadn’t gotten around to installing it in the house. Instead, I found a note on the kitchen table, empty closets and drawers, and her favorite set of china taken from the glass display we had in the dining room. The rest was mine and good luck to me, her note said.
 
Right. Thing was, as a private investigator I tracked people who were missing for a living. Did they think I wouldn’t go after them? Wouldn’t find out they’d set up house in Twin Falls, Idaho? Maybe that’s exactly what they thought. Maybe they didn’t know me any better than I knew them. So I didn’t do anything for a few weeks. I knew they’d start to relax. That’s what I wanted.
 
Tracking people is an art, has its own choreography, you might say. Being a Federal Agent for a few years before they threw me out helped me hone the process. Leaving that job and forming my own business let me break into areas that had been limited before by too many rules. My license said I was legitimate, and no one had to know how I really conducted my operation or how much I charged. With my success rate, I could afford to do what I wanted.
 
Or that used to be the case. The last thing Janie mentioned in her note before she wished me good luck was that she’d taken seventy-five percent of our shared bank account. Did she really think I was going to say fine to that?
 
These thoughts filled in the spaces of that long and boring drive. But I was still hungry. The alignment hadn’t offered up so much as a concession stand. It was dusk and I was about to head back to the highway when I saw a building in the distance. Lights were on. Even if it was just somebody’s house, I decided I’d stop and ask for directions to the nearest restaurant, or whatever.
 
But it wasn’t anyone’s anything. It was an abandoned motel falling apart at the seams, literally. The sign claiming it was also once a cafe was a faded gray on darker gray. The front awning sagged over two thin poles. The rest of the roof had waves in it like something was pushing at it from underneath. All the windows were boarded up, plywood nailed against peeling white paint.
 
I got out of the car and walked around to stretch my legs. A small tree crowded the side of an attached shed where the door hung off on its hinges. What looked like a baby carriage off its wheels lay on the ground along with a dozen other rusted this and that. There was an armchair facing the front door. I don’t know why, but I found that amusing.
 
It was then I noticed the cars. There were six of them on the other side of the road, a few yards into the trees, all pointed in different directions. A couple were in fair condition, one of them on the newer side, but most looked as if they’d been abandoned for some time.
 
It was almost dark and a chill wind came up. Suddenly I felt uneasy where I was, though for no good reason. No one else had stopped there. No one else had even driven by, for that matter.
 
Just as I was getting back into the car I remembered the lights. I was sure I’d seen them. Against my better judgment—I had no idea how far I had to go to find a place I could sleep for the night—I got out again and walked around some more. This time I went toward the back, expecting to see more wild grass and bushes, but instead I found the source of the lights. A huge tent was set on a field about a hundred yards away, and the light from inside it flickered like candles do. I could see the shadow of someone walking back and forth.
 
I rested my hand on the pocket of my windbreaker. My gun was easier to carry there, easier to grab that way, though the permit I had to carry a concealed weapon did actually require a holster. No one was watching. You never know who—or what—you’re going to meet up with in unknown places. One time when I was sent north of Mendocino, California, back when I was working for the government, I walked close to the edge of a massive field of marijuana that had taken an hour to reach on foot, and there were guards everywhere. It was like a damn fortress, and I was new at the job. If it hadn’t been for Waite, my trainer, I’d have been seen and had maybe an instant to live. There’d have been no time to unbutton the holster and draw the gun, much less use it. I never bothered with the holster after that on solo assignments. I was always prepared, just like I was when I approached the tent.
 
“Take yer hand away from the gun. Whatcha lookin’ for? This here’s my land. Maybe y’jist better get off of it.”
 
The voice had a twang in it but it was calm and cold. I felt the barrel of a rifle in my back. The shadow inside the tent had stopped moving.
 
“I’m looking for directions,” I said, my own voice calm in return. I never panic. I get scared sometimes, but not for long. As soon as I figure out what’s happening, I get as peaceful as stone, Waite would say often. “From a jack-rabbity rookie to a stone-cold avenger, that’s you.” Like a superhero, only always the same, no double identity— what you see is what you get. That’s what I told him and he didn’t disagree. “The thing is, you have to be careful all the same.  Boundaries. Don’t forget about boundaries,” was all he’d answer.
 
Right. Sometimes, that idea just doesn’t make sense to me. Other times, like if I’m standing in a dry grass field with a crazy tent owner, it does. Best path then is to at least pretend to go along. The man behind me could be open to a reasonable discussion, or he could be a rattler who’d spring if poked the wrong way, or any way. My bet was on the profile of the rattler.
 
“I’m hungry. I need to find a place to eat and stay for the night. Obviously, this motel isn’t it.”
 
“Good thinkin’. So just walk outta here and get in that shiny limo o’ yourn and go.”
 
“It’s not a limo. It’s a 2.5 S Special Edition Nissan Altima, brand new.”
 
I heard a chuckle behind me.
 
“What kind of jackass corrects someone holding a rifle on him? I squeeze this trigger and you’re dust. You are either an arrogant fool or a man on a mission. My vote is for both.” The country accent was gone and in its place was a syntax and tone worthy of an NPR announcer. I started to turn around.
 
“Nah-uh. I won’t pretend to be a backwoodsman and you will still go back to your car and drive away. Now. I can use this rifle, if you have doubts. I’d just rather not. But I also have a mission, you see, and part of it insists no strangers allowed.”
 
I wanted to say more, and I wanted to see the face of the man who was talking, and I wanted to know who was in the tent, but the rifle was pressed into my back with more force. I decided to suspend my curiosity and started walking toward the front of the motel.
 
“Let him stay, John. For heaven’s sake, the man said he was hungry.”
 
I heard a long, deep sigh. “All right, whoever you are, come back to the tent. We’ll do as she says.”
 
He came up beside me. I saw he had white hair but a young-looking face. He’d pointed the barrel of the rifle down and gestured for me to go ahead.
 
The woman stood at the entrance tying back the flaps. Inside I could see a long pinewood table and chairs. A tapestry of some kind divided that from what I imagined must be a bedroom behind it.
 
“Hello,” the woman said, her voice warm and silky as honey. Her hair was a dark auburn and her eyes very pale in color, a light gray or blue, I couldn’t be sure in that light. “I’m Emma. This very rude—but protective—man is my husband. Please, have a seat and I’ll get you something to eat. We were just going to have our own supper, and it’s nice to be able to share it with someone else.”
 
“I’m Alex Somers,” I said.
 
“He’s not staying long, Em. He’s got places to go, don’t you?” John gave me a look that suggested I answer in the positive, which was the truth, anyway.
 
“Yes, he’s right, but I am very grateful for the food. There doesn’t seem to be any place to get something on this road.”
 
“There isn’t,” John said. “That’s why we’re here. Get some privacy. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out.”
 
“So others have found you, too?”
 
“You might say that.”
 
He took a chair for himself, the rifle still at his side. I took the chair opposite.
 
“That’s a Winchester Model 70. Bolt action, right? Nice.”
 
“Much better than that piece you’re carrying. This rifle has good aim, reliable. Full magazine plus one,” he added, I assumed in case I might think it was just for show.
 
“The safety’s on.”
 
He gave another chuckle and patted the stock, its wood polished to a sheen. “As I said, I would rather not use it.”
 
Emma put a plate of cold roast turkey and new potatoes in front of me, with a mixed salad on the side.
 
“This is wonderful,” I said, trying not to inhale the food. The last time I’d eaten anything had been breakfast that morning before starting for Idaho.
 
“No need to hurry with it—there’s plenty more,” she said. John didn’t say anything. I noticed all he’d eaten was some of the turkey.
 
The candles flickered in a breeze from the entrance. There were ten of them placed around the tent and they gave a good feeling to the place. She seemed to read my mind.
 
“I like candlelight. It’s much more intimate and welcoming, don’t you think?”
 
I had the sudden feeling I had stepped close to the edge of quicksand, though I couldn’t have said why. I know it was the same feeling of apprehension I’d experienced near the marijuana field, and there was no Waite to offer advice. But I didn’t need his help, hadn’t needed it for a long time. I could read John’s face as if it were an alphabet, and I took the warning.
 
“Always worries me, given the chance of a fire,” I said.
 
Her eyes seemed to narrow for a second and then she smiled, lighting up her whole face. In that light, her beauty seemed ethereal.
 
“So, what made you take this road? You’d have a lot more luck on the interstate,” John said. He held out his hand to take the glass of wine that Emma offered. She gave one to me, too.
 
I held it up to the light. It was deep ruby red, and had an appealing smoky aftertaste when I tried it.
 
“Just chance,” I said. “I’d been a couple of hours on the highway and nothing showed up, and like I said, I was hungry.”
 
“Yes, I believe you,” John said, with a brief smile.
 
Outside, a steady chorus of tree frogs mingled with the sound of the wind in the trees.
 
“Here,” I said, gesturing around with my glass, “you’ve got a really nice place to camp out.”
 
“Oh, we aren’t camping, Alex,” Emma said, and her voice seemed to have a smoky edge, like the wine. “We live here. This is our home!” She gave her brilliant smile.
 
I looked at John, who was focused on his own glass, staring into it as if he expected to find some kind of answer to a question there. When he looked up at me I saw for a split second a man in such emotional pain it was all I could do not to react. Then it was gone.
 
“This is our third year. It suits us,” he said.
 
“Well, I guess it must, because it’s pretty isolated. What about friends?”
 
“I do miss having them around,” Emma started to say, but John interrupted with “We don’t need anyone.”
 
“That’s true,” Emma said thoughtfully, as if she was considering new information. “And after all, I have my vegetable garden.”
 
“You do a great job with it, if this meal is any indicator,” I said.
 
“How nice of you to say that. It’s hard work, but I enjoy it, and everything grows so fast, sometimes I have trouble using it all up. John won’t eat anything from my garden, which is a shame. Still, I always have enough for strangers when they come by. It isn’t often, but it’s nice when it happens.”
 
“You’re missing out,” I said to John.
 
“Oh, John has his own garden, on the other side of the field. He grows roses. If it weren’t so late he could show you. They take up a lot of his time, but I don’t mind.”
 
“They’re fragile, roses,” John said, “but so beautiful they’re worth it.”
 
“Some are, I guess,” I said. “Some can be as hardy as desert flowers if you treat them right.” I could hear my sister-in-law Maralei telling Janie how shrub roses would last through a Montana winter. That had been on her last visit out to see us. The sisters got together once a year and I knew Janie wanted to go visit Maralei the next time. It occurred to me maybe that was just what she had done, bringing Jim right along with her. Maybe they did know me, and Twin Falls was a decoy trail till they worked out a final plan.
 
“Now that isn’t a detail I’d expect to hear in passing,” John said, watching me.
 
“I pick up a lot of information in my job.”
 
“And what work do you do, exactly?”
 
I decided to be truthful. I had the feeling they’d both know if I wasn’t, but more than that, I didn’t see any reason to lie. “I’m a private investigator. Just now I’m on a personal errand.”
 
“Well, that explains it. A man who pays attention to details all the time,” John said.
 
Emma gave him a quick glance but it was more a question than any kind of objection. They had a way of talking to each other without talking at all, I decided. Maybe that’s what made for a happy marriage. I’d be the last to know.
 
I had eaten plenty but still made room for the apple pie she laid on the table. It was cold pie but tasted delicious. I noticed neither of them was eating any of it.
 
“What about you folks?” I gestured to the pie.
 
I saw them get up from the table but their movements were so deliberate it was like watching slow-motion in a movie.
 
“I guess I’ve overstayed my welcome,” I said, only the words sounded muffled to me, and garbled. I stood up myself, only to fall back in my seat as a wave of tiredness seemed to overwhelm me. I hadn’t slept much the night before and it had been a long drive from Portland, where I’d finished my last assignment. Good food and a peaceful setting would put any man to sleep, but I was pretty sure having me stay over wouldn’t be their idea of fun. Still, I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to. I’d never felt so relaxed in my life.
 
“Now, John?” Emma’s silky voice reached me, still holding that smoky undercurrent. What was her husband doing, keeping a woman like that out in the wilderness? It was no life for her. I tried to say that but found I couldn’t get the words out.
 
“Not yet, Em. Let him be.” I couldn’t focus on either of them for long, but I heard John all the same.
 
“All right. I’ll clean up, then.” I heard her disappointment. There was the clatter of dishes as she cleared the table and started washing them somewhere outside the tent.
 
“Listen to me.” John bent his head close to mine. “You have about five minutes to pull yourself together.” The next moment I felt a sharp sting.
 
“I’ve just given you a shot of Narcan. It has its own side effects, but it will counteract the opiate.”
 
“The what? My heart’s beating too fast,” I managed to get out as some of the physical lethargy began to leave me.
 
“I said there were side effects. They’ll last a while. You need to shape up and get out of here. Stand up!” I felt his arms half lifting me out of the chair.
 
I didn’t know how much time had passed. I could still hear the clatter of dishes so it couldn’t have been more than a minute or two.
 
“What the hell is going on?” My body felt hot and when I stood up I felt dizzy. The next second an ice cube was pressed against each of my temples. The shock of it brought me fully alert.
 
“You bastard. What did you feed me? You poisoned me!”
 
“Not exactly. Now listen to me. You have to get out of here. There’s not much time. I’m going to go talk to Emma. You go out after me, walk to your car, and drive away. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
 
“No, I don’t. Why—”
 
“You don’t have to know why, Alex. What you have to do is trust me. Okay? That’s all. You have nothing to lose—if you leave now. You stay, then I have to help her do what she does. I’ll have no choice. I love her. She’s all I have,” he added.
 
The next second he was outside the tent and I could hear them talking. I stumbled my way to the entrance and fell once, almost knocking over a chair. Outside, I looked over to the left. I couldn’t see them, but I could see the light from the lantern she’d taken with her to wherever she washed up. Shadows danced against the trees.
 
I knew the car was to my right but the way was pitch dark. There was no moon. With every step the light from the tent faded and for all I knew I might be walking into the field where the roses were instead of out to the front of the motel. But the outline of it showed up, a dark shape against the night. I leaned against the small shed to rest a moment, the branches of the small tree brushing at me. My car was clearly visible in the ambient light. When I looked for my keys, my jacket pocket had nothing in it, not even my gun. He must have taken it from me. Could I have left the keys in the tent, dropped them when I fell? But no, I’d put them in my pants pocket.
 
With relief I went up to the car and opened the door. At that moment I heard a wailing sound I couldn’t identify at first, except that in it I heard a wrenching loss and grief, and rage. Then I knew what it was. It was Emma’s voice. She’d realized I was gone.
 
It was the third shock of the night and it brought me fully into my senses again. I was in the car and out on the road before I took my next breath.
 
It wasn’t until much later I asked myself why John did what he did. I was no one special. Maybe he’d had enough for a while. Maybe it was just lucky timing. Because by then I wasn’t guessing about all the cars rusting beside the trees across the road from the motel. I didn’t wonder about Emma’s vegetable garden. I also felt an unexpected euphoria at being alive.
 
There’s no telling what makes people tick. I can find them, but I can’t find out why they’re the way they are. It occurred to me maybe that’s what Waite meant, about boundaries. Sometimes it’s good to have them, to know when to stop and let go. A few miles ahead I grabbed the interstate south to Boise and then switched to US 95. I knew I could pick up the I-80 at Winnemucca in Nevada and follow it down through Sacramento. I figured I could reach San Francisco by mid morning. Plenty of time to think about another way to make a living.
 
 
 
© Regina Clarke 2018